Neuro Enhancement

…From January 2011 issue of The Wordsmythe’s Quarterly Newsletter.  Have you subscribed yet?

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By Jeff Schoener

This is the time of the year many publications will offer advice as to how to make or maintain lifestyle choices into the New Year.  These include losing weight, quitting smoking and a variety of life-altering quests that begin strong and through sheer ‘power of will’ should work.  Then, within a few weeks something may happen that could put you off target.  It could be stress, maybe well-intentioned friends, or even alternative callings and distractions.  Your resolve waivers and your resolutions change to another time in your future that is not today.

New Year’s resolutions come and are quickly to go.  It becomes easy to rationalize as resolution ‘postponements’ are not really like quitting.  Within these rationalizations, one has not failed.  Perhaps starting again at a more comfortable time, or in a more comfortable place, or when the economy gets better.  Start again on Monday.  If this sounds and feels familiar, whatever the reasons, it is because this is classic human nature and you are not alone.  The reasons that motivate in the beginning have not changed, only the immediacy has.  Now it is far easier to rationalize later.

Evoking change may be a difficult time in anyone’s life.  Some may call it the “dark night” of the soul, if forced.  This is in part because the sheer ‘power of will’ is not usually enough to see the change through.  Many of my clients have said with shame and frustration, “There was a time that I would never have behaved in this way…”  My clients’ perception of that time somehow eroded.  They seem to develop new beliefs or shore up the old beliefs.  They find themselves questioning why things are the way they are.  How did they allow it to get this way?  These additional emotions often make it more difficult as a do-it-yourself project.

I have noticed, almost instinctively, habitual behaviors or behavioral patterns once adopted become major influencers in people’s lives.  Constructive behavior such as hygiene tends to help build and maintain high levels of self worth.  More destructive behaviors may chip away at individual personalities at their core.

When it comes to weight-loss or smoking there are specific elementals of behavior that this lifestyle affords the individual.  For example, each provides a level of comfort to the individual.  In this way, they have an immediate escape from whatever of life’s challenges at the moment.  Each provides a momentary ‘filled-up’ feeling.  The why they do it or the how they began may be interesting, and may provide some insight into what it is they gain by that behavior.  Finding what will take the place in an insightful way, is only part of the key.

How may one make a healthy transition smoothly and with less effort?  Bring in an appropriate guide or consultant for the changes you want.  One who understands your individual blockages will help to bridge a profound transition.  Equally important is a coach or a trainer who can identify what is missing.  In this way he or she will allow you to overcome, remove or build in what is necessary in order for you to make the perfect decisions without the extras.  In this way a qualified practitioner will utilize specific tools in order to make the behavioral adjustments.  The artistry is to do it quickly setting up new patterns that will generate into pronounced new and healthy behaviors.  By doing it in a way that is powerful and rapid, it appears to my clients that it is automatic.  Weight management becomes natural and smoking becomes a thing of the past.

Life brings challenge.  Within that challenge is opportunity for growth.  Fears, limitations and elements of comfort may allow one’s ego to retard this most natural of occurrences.  Learning was never meant to be a chore just as growth was meant to be natural.  Within this, comfort is never guaranteed.  What I strive to do with each individual is to gently, playfully and quickly move them from a limiting comfort zone into a comfortable place of great possibility with room to grow.

By Jeff Schoener

There is a silent epidemic looming, not just in this country, but around the world.  Family caregivers are under-appreciated, overworked and nearing exhaustion.  The reasons they continue are as varied as you and I.   For love, honor or family obligation, some even do it because no one else will.  By the millions these are unsung heroes who do their part to help another.  They add just a bit of dignity and light to an otherwise dismal existence.

They are not the only givers of care.  There are the professionals, some who are well paid and others who barely scrape by.  They all want and need the same things, each and every day of the year.  What they need is what everybody needs, the feeling that we are respected.  Respect as an individual, as well as respect for the work they do.

I have always been a caregiver of sorts.  Today I tend to those who are caregivers.  I was one for my parents, may they now rest in peace.  When life became too difficult for them to take care of each other as they had done for so many years of marriage, I was called upon to step up.  I lived one hour away, I had a career and I thought I had a life.  Many of those issues paled in comparison to tend to the man and woman who gave me that life.  I raced the clock, fought traffic as many aspects of my life went on hold, as I made certain that each in turn met doctors’ appointments.  I would act as a chauffeur when my mom who did not drive, had errands to run and my dad who did, was in the hospital.  They in fact at one point alternated hospital stays.  It was bizarrely, darkly comical.   Several years of my life revolved around them.  My hopes and dreams were put on the ‘back-burner’. It seemed fitting as they sacrificed for me.  Yet I did not always do my duty happily.  I had long since forgotten the frustration, resentment and the feelings that part of my life was being wasted.  I compartmentalized emotions so that I could be of service to them.  Dependability and was always a phone call away.  I thought that I had dealt with those emotions, long since hidden away.

How much, I realized, I had left in my past when a colleague asked me to create a product for caregivers—the spouses and children of Parkinson’s disease patients—Dr. Anette Nieves, a neurologist and movement disorder specialist who had previously invited me to speak at support groups, consisting of patients and caregivers.  Applying various NLP® and DHE™ techniques, they seemed to respond in a noticeable manner, as Dr. Nieves noticed instantly.  I agreed to take on this much needed project.  I immediately realized she was right.  When I looked into the eyes of the caregivers and memories came back.

What caregivers want is relief.  Relief comes in many forms.  Here are some of the more commonly suggested.

• Time off, or some down-time. Vacations will only work if they can also free their minds of worry and concern.   The travel industry now incorporates special services for patients.  By traveling with your charge, you have the same concerns from different locations
• Rest. Most energy expended is done with the pressure or concern for their charge.  Generally the caregiver is at pseudo-rest.  They close their eyes and sink into a bed or a chair, ever ready to bolt back into action.
• Relaxation. Just as rest, relaxation has little to do with the caregiver self.  Some moments for them to think for themselves or to carry out their own chores are difficult when they are intermingled with the chores of their charge.

Ever in the forefront in the mind of a caregiver are the concerns and thoughts of the patient.  Too often, their own thoughts, wants and needs are compartmentalized until sometime later.  That ‘later’ may never come.

Caregiver Support networks are valuable when you are aligned with them.  Unfortunately many are to busy or stressed to attend the meetings.  Adding value would be knowing that as a caregiver, your feelings of irritation and frustration are far from unique.  You may even learn some useful ways to diffuse feelings that you perceive as limiting.

Often after an outing, the caregiver returns to an emotional point as if they never left.  The pressure builds almost immediately.  In NLP® terms, this would be referred to as being anchored to an environment or a situation.  This is specifically why many support groups, while helpful and packed with information, will only temporarily relieve the pressure.   Little can be done about changing the interpersonal dynamics and the frustrations that surround those who give care with the frustrations of those who must receive care.

This is why it became my intention to develop a series of audios that bridge the missing gap that exists between the daily care and the support group interactions.  Designed for the caregiver on the go, they are intentionally kept short to accommodate the caregiver’s hectic life.  Because of the overwhelm I often experienced, juggling the care of my parents with my job and personal life, I realized how rare it can be to allow myself the time and the luxury of caring for me.  This is an experience I shared with all caregivers. At the behest of Dr. Nieves, I designed my audios,  The Caregiver’s Relief Kit© for easy listening and application for the purpose of taking you into a state of protected grace and energetic recharge, and to allow yourself to gain the rest that a caregiver requires.   As a caregiver myself, I fully understand the value of being able to adjust my emotional state in order to modify the dynamic between myself and my charge for the better.  With the application of NLP and DHE techniques built-in, I am pleased that I can now offer caregivers everywhere the ability to just listen, recharge and replenish all year round.

©2009 Jeffrey Schoener, Neuro-Enhancement Strategies, Inc.

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By Jeff Schoener

We have all experienced loss of some kind.  This may have occurred in a moment, or in a series of moments.  (See last issue article entitled; “Do You Have a Moment?”).  This loss may include time, innocence, freedom, security, health, family and possessions.  Around each of these aspects of loss, we also tend to hold onto fear, and that fear is often aligned with doubt.  These are the properties surrounding change.

Early in December 2008 I personally experienced the loss of a loved one.  This, to me, brought into focus this fact of life.  Change happens with or without our consent.  While we were all in shock of this sudden loss, we seemed to handle this change aspect by personality.  Always protecting ourselves, we all felt deep loss and sorrow, yet this loss was handled differently via personality.

Each with purpose, we attempted to wrap our minds around this incident.  Some by denial of the event, some others felt overwhelming guilt, others held onto the pain and frustration of having lost the illusion of control.  Still, some others focused at tasks at hand.  Seeking comfort in an attempt to keep things in perspective, many worked towards regaining a semblance of control and order.  Emotions freely flowed from the grievers and the mourners.  Yet, perspective was more easily gained by those who went beyond themselves.  For moments they went outside of their emotions and looked to the comfort of others.  This is the most natural process there is.  My question became, when is this acceptable and within whose timeframe?

How do you deal with loss?  Do you appreciate exactly what we are graced with while in the feelings of grief and loss?  Most people do not.  There are surprisingly simple ways, as you start to understand different perspectives of moments in time.  Consider, for a moment, those who would latch onto the grief or the loss as the newest focal point of their lives.  For them this grieving process is without end.  They often grow into victims of loss.  Others ease their personal pain by finding different and more positive ways of dealing with the loss. These are the ones I will speak to in this writing.

We currently live in a world where political correctness applies cookie cutter approaches to individual behavior through affirmative action(s).  Young children today engage in sporting activities with no clear winner or loser.  We have grown a new breed of those who feel entitled, without always knowing how to navigate difficult aspects of life because role models are disappearing and personally expressed rationalizations are becoming accepted.  There are fewer society elders today, who are influential in correcting poor behavior as they teach about life transitions and initiations.   While we have grief counselors, we do not have enough mentors in terms of loss.  These counselors generally use Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s model of the Five Stages of Grief.  The stages are:

· Denial

· Anger

· Bargaining

· Depression

· Acceptance

While she admitted that not everyone moves through all of these phases, she held that people will always experience at least two.

It is my supposition that an individual need not go through any of these once they hold the appropriate foundations.  While a few will appreciate wallowing in depression, anger or denial, the only stage one must come close to is the acceptance in the fact that you are currently alive..  This may be accomplished in two steps.

1. When the feeling of loss is fresh, or inevitable, notice that there will come a day in your future where this loss will become manageable.

In this way you will know the loss in survivable.  You will also immediately begin to program yourself for life after the initial pain.  Plan towards that day and adjust your thoughts followed by your actions.  By doing this, you will help keep your life in perspective.  If this was the loss of a job or a thing, this loss may even start to lose its significance.  If you lost someone, you will honor them and yourself by living a quality life.

2. Focus upon what is newly important.

Before the loss, we all fall into a sense of security.  We hold the illusion of control as if we have greater power over things than we do.  When things fall away, and when the hurt subsides, we begin to achieve greater clarity as to what is important in our lives.  The minutia falls away.  We hold a gift of this moment as defining what we may control and what we may influence.  If you find this difficult, imagine your successes as something that will do you proud in the eyes of those you may have lost.  At the same time, imagine your success as something that will irritate those who do not wish you well.

Currently we live in interesting times.  There is a great deal of new.  Many want to cling to the old.  Attitude from financial to political bring upheavals resounding with feelings of uncertainty.  This wavering hesitancy may even continue for some time to come.  While some changes may not weigh as heavily as life and death, they are all important in terms of personal aspects of growth.  In order to become ready for these changes or any other, adjust your intentions to become far more flexible, both in your thinking and in the behaviors that lead to positive action.  Smile and remember, as you do these steps, you will find grace both in loss and in gain.  These steps will serve you for years to come.

©2009 Jeff Schoener, Neuro-Enhancement Strategies

Written by Jeff Schoener

With bail outs, economic confusion and a rush to blame, one joke keeps coming to mind. How do you know when a politician is lying?  Their lips are moving. Distractions and diversion are known tools of stage magicians, yet these same tools are held ready and easily used within political realms.

Before I go any further, allow me to define political realm.  Within every executive position from parent to corporate CEO, there are moments of flexibility and savvy that will instill a level of trust and confidence in order to make any move.  The integrity in which the move is made may be in question, the trust and the ability to follow is not.  These skills are useful in interviews and holding onto a job.  It should also be noted that some of the finest leaders also know how to follow.  The reality is that when an individual stands alone, even when history proves that they were correct in action or deed, is often said to be a rebel and a trouble maker.  This of course is far from fair.  Life is often unfair.

Whenever people operate, it is useful to remember that we are related to pack animals by nature.  You see, we feel secure in a group.  It comforts others when we are like them.  It comforts us when they are like us.  The ones who rise to the top of the pack are generally the ones who display leadership abilities.  In some cases they instill fear.  In others they inspire vision.  Some even inspire good feelings.  They do this by simply mirroring and matching behaviors.  We forgive them if they use phrases that we don’t, in fact if we like them enough, we as a group may start using the same phrases.  Mirroring and matching are said to be ways of rapport, yet that is too simplistic.  They are aspects of unconscious recognitions in order for the rest of the group to feel something.  We may feel safe, warm and cared for.

We may also, as a group feel betrayed, used and lied to.  These skills go well beyond advertising and pollsters.  As a group we may collectively have a change of heart, moving in the direction from like to dislike, or more specifically un-like.  Some do this naturally.  For others matching, pacing and leading are learned skills.  The one aspect that may not be easily feigned must be integrity mixed with intention beyond oneself.  Consider how many of them hold the integrity of what brought them to the top.  Not as many as we would hope.  Yet we still allow those ‘like us’ or appear to match the image of the office to take the stage.

Most people wait, they seek out leadership, they prefer to follow.  Mainly for a place to focus blame on others, while others just do not want the responsibility.  Sadly fewer people want the responsibility that taking the lead requires.  Those who claim to want the position all too often fall back into their personal intentions.  At this time they seem to lose integrity with the masses.  At this point it is too late.  The time to have solidified integrity with appropriate intention is long before one takes the position of leader.  Otherwise they only hold the illusion until the next leader comes along.

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