While the medical PR community comes up with new disorders on a continuous basis, before we get sucked in to the new millennium’s version of hypochondria, remember this vital information given from an insider in the medical profession: These disorders are merely new names given for symptoms not yet deciphered by the medical community in order for pharmaceutical companies to sell their wares.  There are so many self-diagnosed disorders today that, much like the communities of wordsmiths, NLP and other brain language and belief experts, it would behoove us to (read more…)

By Jeff Schoener

People world-wide are remembering 10 years later.

People are asking, where were you when it happened?

On this a beautifully clear day, comfortable and pleasant, I walked into my office and sat at my desk.  Just two blocks away from the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, I and my colleagues heard the first plane strike.  We were stunned as we went to the window, five stories up, where we could see the gaping hole and the flames lick the side of the building.  A manager went into the conference room in order to turn on the news.  We at the time thought it was a horrible accident.  Then there was another muffled explosion which blew out the windows on the other side.  A short time later, the second strike on the second tower.  It dawned upon us that this was no accident.

As an eye witness without a telephone, at this point e-mail was the only communication means for us cloistered in our office.  The police kept us here, where we were out of both harm’s way and out of the way of the First Responders.   On Broadway, where we saw ticker-tape parades, Firemen and Police squads marched in military fashion in order to set up for their work of rescue and restoration.

Before people in my office were wondering why, they were first wondering if what they were witnessing was true.  “Is this really happening?”

For the people who never witnessed this first hand, the media ran the plane strikes into the towers on a seemingly endless loop.

I think that in the fullness of time, while remembering the importance of the day, on a personal note, consider the following:

What have you lost?

Did you lose a job?  Have you lost a loved one? Did you lose your direction in terms of career, of have you and your family the innocence of faith?   I know many people who found the wherewithal to rebuild and to begin again.  Some even created support networks as well as not for profit organization to honor and memorialize.

What have you gained?

In light of the loss, have you gained compassion and hope? Have you gained and expanded your understanding of yourself, your neighbors and situations that are not always black and white?  Have you gained a new resolve and strength or have you gained a fearful existence? In the subsequent daysI went around my office getting people beyond their fear and back into the flow of life.

Many others have taken their ‘loss’ as a reason to create something that will help themselves while helping others. Take this moment in time and begin to answer questions in the light of the day.  Take this gift of time to fill any void with something creative and positive.  With this memory in mind, offer something to serve and sacrifice to another.   This will become a suitable tribute for those who sacrificed on that day.

Out of the ashes - rebuilding One World Trade Center

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By Jeff Schoener

This is the time of the year many publications will offer advice as to how to make or maintain lifestyle choices into the New Year.  These include losing weight, quitting smoking and a variety of life-altering quests that begin strong and through sheer ‘power of will’ should work.  Then, within a few weeks something may happen that could put you off target.  It could be stress, maybe well-intentioned friends, or even alternative callings and distractions.  Your resolve waivers and your resolutions change to another time in your future that is not today.

New Year’s resolutions come and are quickly to go.  It becomes easy to rationalize as resolution ‘postponements’ are not really like quitting.  Within these rationalizations, one has not failed.  Perhaps starting again at a more comfortable time, or in a more comfortable place, or when the economy gets better.  Start again on Monday.  If this sounds and feels familiar, whatever the reasons, it is because this is classic human nature and you are not alone.  The reasons that motivate in the beginning have not changed, only the immediacy has.  Now it is far easier to rationalize later.

Evoking change may be a difficult time in anyone’s life.  Some may call it the “dark night” of the soul, if forced.  This is in part because the sheer ‘power of will’ is not usually enough to see the change through.  Many of my clients have said with shame and frustration, “There was a time that I would never have behaved in this way…”  My clients’ perception of that time somehow eroded.  They seem to develop new beliefs or shore up the old beliefs.  They find themselves questioning why things are the way they are.  How did they allow it to get this way?  These additional emotions often make it more difficult as a do-it-yourself project.

I have noticed, almost instinctively, habitual behaviors or behavioral patterns once adopted become major influencers in people’s lives.  Constructive behavior such as hygiene tends to help build and maintain high levels of self worth.  More destructive behaviors may chip away at individual personalities at their core.

When it comes to weight-loss or smoking there are specific elementals of behavior that this lifestyle affords the individual.  For example, each provides a level of comfort to the individual.  In this way, they have an immediate escape from whatever of life’s challenges at the moment.  Each provides a momentary ‘filled-up’ feeling.  The why they do it or the how they began may be interesting, and may provide some insight into what it is they gain by that behavior.  Finding what will take the place in an insightful way, is only part of the key.

How may one make a healthy transition smoothly and with less effort?  Bring in an appropriate guide or consultant for the changes you want.  One who understands your individual blockages will help to bridge a profound transition.  Equally important is a coach or a trainer who can identify what is missing.  In this way he or she will allow you to overcome, remove or build in what is necessary in order for you to make the perfect decisions without the extras.  In this way a qualified practitioner will utilize specific tools in order to make the behavioral adjustments.  The artistry is to do it quickly setting up new patterns that will generate into pronounced new and healthy behaviors.  By doing it in a way that is powerful and rapid, it appears to my clients that it is automatic.  Weight management becomes natural and smoking becomes a thing of the past.

Life brings challenge.  Within that challenge is opportunity for growth.  Fears, limitations and elements of comfort may allow one’s ego to retard this most natural of occurrences.  Learning was never meant to be a chore just as growth was meant to be natural.  Within this, comfort is never guaranteed.  What I strive to do with each individual is to gently, playfully and quickly move them from a limiting comfort zone into a comfortable place of great possibility with room to grow.

The simplest misguided piece of advice to any caregiver is to ‘reduce stress’.  Sound advice, yet in the moment approaching a moment of impending stress, most relaxation advice goes out the proverbial window unless you care enough to prepare.

• Take slow deep breaths, this will work before you serve your charge and will serve you while you serve.
• Organize before you meet your charge.  This gives you a sense of order and allows you to efficiently flow.
• Make flexibility your friend.  When something comes up to interrupt an order, quickly reorder your priorities by importance and caring relevance.
• Begin each task with a smile.  This is not always easy so maintain your sense of humor.  Know that you will laugh about it whether now or later.
• Clear the air, literally.  Both mildly scented candles or baked goods may spark memories of pleasant times and help both caregiver and care receiver for more engaging and meaningful conversation
• Put my previous tips into practice.

Remember that you are performing the most loving act there is, caring for another.  As a family caregiver, you may be caring for someone who has cared for you.

Go to Caregiver Relief page

Folks all across the United States of America this week are preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving.  We spend time with family and friends, sharing an elaborately prepared delicious meal, laughter, memories and gratitude.  Traditionally, we eat turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie.  Traditions ground us and center us.

Traditions may also cause us to fall into rut-like patterns.  What we say, how we react to others may also become routine.  Routines may even predict the outcomes of interactions.  They become boring, irritating and may lead to greater frustration.

Be determined to do something differently:

• Take a few extra moments to think about what may be best for you.
• Take a few minutes to think of what would be best for the person you are caring.
• Ask them what they think and be considerate of  their answer instead of assuming based on previous interactions.
• If you are going some place they might enjoy, allow extra time and provision to bring them along.
• Engage them in new thought and different conversations.

Vary within a particular routine.  For example, times for meals and medications should remain on specific schedules, doing things a bit differently may make a world of difference to you, your charge as well as the relationship to each of you.

Have a Happy Holiday season!

Caregiving is difficult at the best of times.  When the one you are caring for feels stressed, the act of caring becomes far more difficult.  Disorientation, confusion, lack of sleep and irregular medication and meal schedules may magnify these conditions.  This may cause the recipient of care to feel anger, frustration and powerlessness.  Many may lash out.  In order to minimize this, remember these tips to reduce the levels of stress for the one you care for:

• Remain as calm and loving as you can.  A smile and loving tone may remind them that you are there to help.
• Listen to them, even if you have heard it before.  They will feel that they are important.
• Maintain your sense of humor.  Smile warmly.  Learn some jokes and stories to share.
• Sing a song and encourage them to sing along.

When they begin to enjoy, they will be less likely to fight the hand that helps them.

Caregiver planning action instead of reacting in the midst of a crisis requires some thought.

Too many feel overwhelmed.  Immediate pressures combined with the distinct feelings of a lack of time contribute to reacting.  In order to find the resources to act consider acting upon the following:

• Be discerning with whom you leave in charge.  Your thoughts will be with your care-receiver in the hands of one whom you trust.
• List medications and the times to take them, share with your network.
• Remember to keep your network updated to changes. This includes e-mail updates for family and friends who are not local or even out of the country.
• List phone numbers, routes and directions to doctors, pharmacies and hospitals.  This will help you in terms of crisis moments and others if you are immediately away.
• Learn as much as you can from the internet and support groups.  This includes medications side effects and interactions as well as disease and diagnosis.
• List family contact names and numbers for your charge to call in the event of emergency.

Go to our Caregiver page

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Being a caregiver is a constant series of choices that are meant for the person or people you are caring for.  Yet most family caregivers fail to make the appropriate choices for the moments when they are not physically there.  From trips to the market, to going into work many decisions are done in the moment.  This may work well if you have a solid support system in place.  Sadly, most family caregivers are so overwhelmed, they don’t take the time to emotionally disconnect in order to bring them better, more discerning care through people who want to genuinely help as opposed to people who are just there and may feel put upon. Here are some things to think about.

• Learn as much as you can about what afflicts your care receiver
• Seek out support groups
• When you find a shoulder to cry on, make certain of their sincerity.  They may allow you a safe place once or twice only to allow their own insecurities and frustration to shine through.  This chips away at your support in a very short period of time.
• Invite siblings and relatives to help, even if it is long distance. moral support and a flood of fresh ideas and perspectives often give way to better care for yourself and your charge.
• Narrow down your circle of help to only those who want to help.  Find out how they want to help and allow them to do that which they will excel.  In this way you will have backup allies.

Other info on Caregiver Relief